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| Vince Dingle, Hans Jungennaman, and Senor Spunko Revealed!
OK. So here's the deal. We wanted to make our final article absolutely hilarious, but we've been way too busy lately (Beating all the Super Mario games, watching Star Wars, and sleeping heavily). We decided its enough to just post our names and our pictures, since that's what you all really want anyhow. So here it is, our glorious mugs.
Vince Dingle sporting a stylish cowboy hat with 14-karat gold earrings.
Hans Jungennaman trying to eat his dog, KoKo. 
Here's Spunko pumping out some some weights. Look at those quads!!!1
Well, there you have it. Completely candid photos of the Liberty Journal staff. Enjoy, but not too much.
One last thing, our names. It sure has been awhile since we've been called wimps for not coming out with our names. After seeing these pictures, I doubt anyone will call us wimps any longer. Well, anyhow... drum roll, please...
Here you go, our real names, along with our respective AIM screen names.
Vince Dingle - Brad Marshall - happyeulogy
Hans Jungennaman - Adam Daniels - adamatyrant
Senor Spunko - Stephen McAlpin - SoccerRoolzzz
With this newfound information, please don't say anything to us if you spot us on campus. We might ignore you or verbally abuse you. No stalkers, please.
Signing off,
Vince Dingle, Hans Jungennaman, and Senor Spunko
The Critically Acclaimed Liberty Journal | | |
| Dear readers of the Liberty Journal,
Well it sure has been a wild ride hasn’t it? We’ve all laughed, been offended, and even wet our pants (thank God for diapers!) We here at the Liberty Journal all feel that the time has come to end our Xanga escapade. Yeah, we said it. That’s all, folks. At LJ we have become officially worn out! Unfortunately, we’ve lost our desire to continue writing; plus, our articles would get really lame if we kept the Journal going forever. The site has become a burden to us. The great feelings we had writing for the LJ have long passed into a kind of bitterness, making any further attempts to keep it going in vain.
Because of this turn of events, the LJ will put out one final article for tomorrow which will involve ALL THREE staff writers. We can give you a little hint as to what it will be: we will definitely be REVEALING our true identities!. Prepare to be like, amazed. Please don’t hurt us…Stay tuned for our final article.
p.s. Fear not, as the Liberty Journal will stay running so that new people can read the old articles if they visit the site.
Hans Jungennaman, Vince Dingle, and Senor Spunko
The Liberty Journal
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| Canadian Mounties Invade Liberty University, Notice Litter
The night was growing old, and most Liberty students were sound asleep in their dorms. The streets were empty, except for those weirdos who roam around in their pajama pants, and not one LUPD officer could be seen. The pale moonlight reflected off of the uninhabited guard shack, and all seemed peaceful. Yet for Canadian Mounties, it was a night of invasion.
Amidst the darkness came forth a vast legion of Canadian Mounties, seeking to conquer each and every sidewalk and building of Liberty University. Mounties exclaimed, “Eh, let’s go conquer this and that, eh!” without the slightest hint of remorse or conviction.
With destruction in mind, fearless Canadian Mounties charged towards the Demoss Building, but came to an abrupt halt when faced with a terrible albatross. Before their very eyes…litter. And we all know, Canadians can’t have no litter!
Turning aside from their Candadious wrath, the Mounties began their intracampus cleanup efforts. Never before had Liberty University seen such cleanliness, such…dedication to clean ozone. I, Senor Spunko, was appalled. Once they had concurred the campus was clean according to Canadian standards, they resumed their conquest of terror.
When all seemed lost, out of the misty darkness came Dr. Steve Vandegriff. With unexplainable valor, he charged into the midst of the Mounties. Having worked as a youth pastor for several years in Canada, he was easily recognized by many Mounties. “Eh, isn’t that there Pastor Steve? Eh, Pastor Steve! Eh, check this out Mounties! Hold up for Pastor Steve!”
I watched with awe and reverence as the legion of Canadian Mounties bowed before Dr. Steve Vandegriff. He commanded them to “Stop, please.” And they listened! They listened!
As I watched the Canadian Mounties march back towards Canada upon Dr. Vandegriff’s request, a small tear came to my eye. Apparently, a few of the Mounties will be returning to Liberty in the Fall semester as students…
Shortly thereafter, LUPD arrived.
Senor Spunko, Liberty Journal | | |
| LU Student Body Mobs "The Muslim" After Monday's Convocation
Monday started off well; it was a beautiful day, and students dragged themselves to convocation in their usual unconcious stupor unsure of who the speaker was to be that day. As soon as Rob Jackson stood up, most became irate, hoping for someone else to bore them to tears. To their suprise, Dr. Jackson actually introduced someone else. Joy (and some confusion) was revealed on their faces when suddenly a Muslim walked onto the stage. At first many were unsure how to receive him; others, simply couldn't understand a single word he was saying. As time went on, the Muslim told of his wife and children and his home in Afghanistan. He spoke of his love for America and all our hearts were touched, not unlike the usual 90s disney movies we all know and love. Soon though, he drove the proverbial dagger through our proverbial hearts and proverbially twisted that proverbial knife. Once he finished, many clapped, and some even stood up in respect to the man we all loved as The Muslim. Suddenly, things went awry. The Muslim took his hat off and set it on the table. "What's going on?!?!", I heard one voice utter, "Wh- Wh- Why is he not finished?!" The next thing that happened shocked many, and even made some pee their proverbial pants. He spoke with an American accent. Southern, perhaps. Those standing while clapping suddenly, in a torn state, started to pretend like they knew it all along. Others, began to grow hatred for the man. Most simply passed out in a puddle of their own spit from absolute boredom. The rest of convocation was spent in dismay, many students unsure of what to do next. As we were all dismissed, some stayed back after the denizens of students parted. What happened next was completely ungodly. The students began to slowly charge the stage with the Muslim and Rob Jackson trapped at the helm. Pictured below are the irate students captured by a photographer before he was swallowed by the swarming mass.
Sweet Mother of Moses look how angry they are! I can only imagine the fear upon Jackson and the Muslim's faces as they stared deep into those not-so friendly eyes. I mean, look at those eyebrows! Those eyebrows are the epitomy of hatred; not to mention some of them even have upside-down smiley faces on! *shiver*
What happened next was too disgusting to write about. I will only leave you with a picture of the aftermath of all this. (Caution: Viewer discretion is advised; picture does not show furry woodland creatures or lollipops)
That's right... some really gay-looking kid went on stage and killed the two influential speakers. Their bodies quickly became skeletons and grew really crazy hair. Sad, but true. *tear*
Vince Dingle, Liberty Journal | | |
| Third Candidate for Liberty Student Body President Unveiled
With today's ever growing student body's changing values and demands,
we here at the Liberty Journal thought we'd nominate a potential third
candidate to fit the bill of every student combined. Mr. T can
agree, disagree, and pity your foolishness suckas. Our candidate
Mr. T promises submitting an idea for a new multi-million dollar
playground complex located on the other side of Walmart. He also
promises to stylize Circle Dorms with ice blinging from every crevice,
ceiling, floor, lamp, and female. He feels it's necessary to go
through the entire Liberty Way and adopt a much looser
interpretation. One example are dresses; the Liberty Way doesn't
specify exactly how provocative or plain a dress could be, our man here
could lay out new guidelines allowing females more freedom with dress
attire, much to the enjoyment of the male student population. Our
candidate also would like to increase the 18 reprimand per semester
disciplinary expulsion to 20 or possibly 22 reprimands. This
would give some of us that little extra lee-way necessary to ignore as
many haircode violations as possible until the end of the
semester. My main man here also wants to completely redefine the
Respect section of the Liberty Way, when I asked why he mumbled
something about 'bein a gangsta' and 'the foot'. Given this
information, as you're not sure or don't care who to vote for, think
Bling Bling baby.
Above: Liberty Journal staff shown celebrating Mr. T's recent success.
Liberty Journal does not endorse nor condone any values, morals, views,
opinions, racial slurs, and L337ness that Mr. T portrays.
Hans Jungennaman, Liberty Journal
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